Being My Daughter's Role Model for Real Beauty
My daughter was born last November. Along with all the wonderful feelings that come with being a new mom -- pure love, joy and pride -- other emotions have crept up including the intensely terrifying sense of responsibility. She has finely tuned my view of the world. I'm even more determined to change the gendered ways we raise our children in America, particularly in terms of beauty standards. I've always been outraged at targeted marketing that makes girls feel fat, ugly and unworthy. But now I am even more deeply aware of this influence and how it will directly impact my precious little girl as she grows and learns how to be female in this society. Yet it isn't only about media. That's the piece that we forget, and that I am now feeling the burden of. I've had the realization that I am totally and completely responsible for providing a healthy feminine image for my daughter to emulate.
Our children's sense of self worth comes directly from us, not just what we tell them to believe but what we show them. What I mean is this, our children watch everything we do, including how we critique and criticize ourselves. The way I have internalized media messages growing up has shaped some of my daily behaviors that are not necessarily healthy. And thus I must re-train myself so the pattern of self loathing ("I hate my thighs") ends with me!
This is no easy feat. I now not only have to challenge those media influences, but also my own reactions to them that are often second nature at this point. As the mother of a daughter, I will have to carefully navigate that line between demanding self improvement (finding motivation to run instead of watching TV) and wallowing in self criticism (why won't these last 5 pounds come off!). My new daughter will soon be scrutinizing me very carefully (actually, she already does, but at 5 months, she notices things like how I pick up a toy, make her bottle, or smile at her). My words and behaviors must be chosen carefully and facial expressions monitored, for my daughter will start to mimic them. I do not want my self-doubting inner voice to become hers. I want her to celebrate her body, to love her body, always! I want what she sees to be nothing but positive messages.
Naturally, this is a somewhat unrealistic goal. I'm not perfect, and won't be able to ALWAYS provide a completely perfect image for my daughter to emulate. However, I can sure as hell try to delete all those unhealthy messages that the media (and to some extent, my own mother) put in my head. The way I have internalized these negative beauty standards growing up has shaped some of my daily behaviors, that my new daughter will soon be analyzing carefully. Thus, I must silence my own self-critical inner voice and learn to love myself, in all its forms. I need to say, "It's okay that my body looks different postpartum. I'm a mom now, it's SUPPOSED TO!" (Celebrity bodies be damned!! )
In an effort to truly embrace this new role, I am voluntarily spearheading a "real beauty" campaign in my community. I am challenging women to post pictures of themselves on an average day, a real beauty day, so our children see real bodies. I'm joining the other women bloggers out there who are sick and tired of the false images of women that prevail as "the norm" in our society. I have posted an article containing a real "selfie" (rather than an image that is "just the right angle, lighting, etc" to portray an unrealistic, perfect self portrait for Facebook, or whatever.) And shared this on Facebook.
Join me! Help me show our girls that WE are REAL FEMALE BEAUTY!
Will you accept my challenge? Will YOU take a real beauty "selfie" for the sake of all girl-kind?
I have also written a Love Letter to My Postpartum Belly -- starting the cycle of positive loving of my body. I hope you too will begin loving your body, and telling yourself you are beautiful just as you are!
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